seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
