When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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