playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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