Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
