Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
