dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
