while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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