Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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