I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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