He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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