sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
