he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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