we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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