im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
