nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Randomize
