im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
