That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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