were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
People in love make me want to vomit
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
