you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
