also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
