And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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