Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
