he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
