You can't motorboat a personality
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
