Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
