you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
