I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
