if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The air was thick with penises
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
