while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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