She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
