a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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