you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
