Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
