why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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