What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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