I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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