So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
