she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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