dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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