And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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