Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
