I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
