Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
