I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
