I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
