i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
