i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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