is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
