I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
