he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
